But He's MY Baby

My beautiful first born child just told me some little girl at school likes him.  His conversation about it started off as, "Amanda teases me."

To which I replied, "Why does she tease you?" My ears are all perked up. I'm ready to go and break little Amanda's face for making my boy uncomfortable at school.

And he says with a cute little grin on his face, "Because she likes me.  She plays with me everyday."

My heart sank in my chest as my son went back to face diving in the bath water his brother probably urinated in.  He's sputtering and spitting water out of face with his little brother and I am having visions of him holding hands and making kissy faces at this little girl. Today, she likes him...tomorrow she may want to play Doctor...next week I may be getting a call from the school that they were caught in the bathroom feeling each other up.  They're only 5 but my mind ran away with it. 

My first thought was, "This is my baby!"  My second thought was, "I need to meet this girl."
And yes, I am being extra dramatic about it.  I want to know her entire government name...social security number, date and place of birth.  I want to know her family history going back atleast 3 generations.  Everything my son knows about her, I want to know.  And I am serious about the drug test, blood test...she needs to piss in a cup and complete a psych eval.  I want genetic testing too.

I really don't think the boy even thinks about it like that.  I just watched him play smacking asses with his baby brother and strum his own penis like a guitar.  I just watched him try and spit bath water up in my ceiling.  He was squeezing on my backside when he was "hugging" me when I came home from work.  He got yelled at by his daddy for doing back flips off the couch again.  This is the same boy that told me he won't have a girlfriend or a wife because he has to focus on being a "Chief Man" in the Army. 

But one day, I know when the hormones start releasing themselves into his system...and he starts sprouting hairs in weird places, that he is really going to think about some girl.  It may not be Amanda, but I'm putting together my kit now so that I know what I'm dealing with. 

I didn't say much about the information he gave me.  I didn't tell him to stay away from her or that girls have cooties or anything stupid and juvenile like that.  I want him to feel comfortable spilling the beans to his loving mother.  Because in the back of my mind, while he's giving me the "scoop", I am mentally taking inventory of the things I will need to stalk little Amanda and make sure she is worthy of MY first born son.