Thursday, December 9, 2010

Are You Sure You Didn't Spike My Drink?

I love soda. No, I don't love just any soda. I love Pepsi.  It is my poison of choice. There is nothing like the sound of twisting off the top or popping the tab on a cold fresh bottle or can.  There is nothing like taking that first sip of the dark, sweet, bubbly contents and feeling the slight burn of carbonation sliding down my throat.  It is even better in the fountain form over some beautifully crushed ice.  There have been a few times that I have tried to "detox" from Pepsi.  Clearly they have all failed because I'm still drinking the stuff.  But the words of wisdom are to do anything in moderation, so I have cut down on the amount that I drink. Did I say I love Pepsi? Because if I haven't, you need to know that I do.  Coke will do in a pinch if I've having a junkie moment and just need a soda, but Pepsi....sweet, dark, bubbly my poison of choice.

So now that I have gotten my "Ode to Pepsi" out of the way, let me inform the public that I have been introduced to cocaine in a can. It is call Diet Mountain Dew.  You know what...scratch that...Diet Mountain Dew (also know as DMD on my unit) should be equated to crack cocaine.  I kid you not.  I don't know how the nurses drink it, but when you are exhausted I see why it is so popular.

I have never found a diet soda that I liked.  They have all had the weirdest after taste for me.  Even if it tastes good to me the first time I try it, usually, by the end of the bottle, I hate it.  But Diet Mountain Dew was delicious.  When I first opened to can and took a sip, I let it sit on my tongue for a little bit, fully anticipating the typical funky after taste of diet soda.  I don't know what kind of artificial sweetener they use, but that joint was like drinking Kool-Aid. 

It was smooth. 
It was sweet. 
It was cold. 
It was surprisingly refreshing. 

It didn't even have much carbonation.  It really was like drinking juice.  And I gulped down the entire 12 ounce can in 15 minutes. Thirty minutes later I felt it.  At first I felt jittery.  I could feel my hands trembling and my whole body felt like it was humming or buzzing.  It was almost like I had some low level voltage running through my body that was also making my heart race.  But I felt wonderful!  I felt like I could run an entire marathon, do a whole one hour pilates session, and I wanted to eat an entire loaf of bread.  The rest of the world felt like it was going in slow motion.  I was talking really fast.  I had to make a concious effort to enunciate my words because my mind was going faster than my lips could move.  I was power walking around the unit.  I went to the cafeteria to get lunch and I wanted to eat the entire display case of bagels with extra honey butter.  I had to pee like I had been holding my bladder since last night.  It was absolutely crazy!  All the Red Bull I drank to stay awake on the night shift NEVER once made me feel this way.  I really felt like I had been on a crack binge and could take on the world.  It was a total Tony Montana, Scarface, "I go hard moment".  And this was on one 12 ounce can!

The nurse who gave it to was real nonchalant about the whole thing.  Her response was, "Yeah, that's normal.  I drink two 20 oz bottles and I'm good for the shift and too wired to sleep when I get home."  Apparently everyone but me knew about the super powers you get from drinking this stuff.

It can't be good for you.  It's some weird neon yellowish, green tinted color.  Based on the way my heart rate shot up, I'm sure if I tried to do two 20 oz bottles I'd end up dead in the equipment room from stress induced cardiac arrest.  I tried to read the ingredients on the can while I was still "high", but my brain wouldn't quiet down enough for me to comprehend the words on the can.  I've drank regular Mountain Dew before and it had no effect on me.  I don't know what was in that can.  I was fooled by the yummy taste.  It really snuck up on me, like when you get one of those fruity alcoholic drinks where you can't taste the liquor and then you wonder how you ended up face down in just your drawers. 

I'll probably drink it again, espcially since I plan to work a few more night shifts over the winter break.  What I won't do is gulp the stuff down like I'm dying from dehydration.  I'll sip it like I do with my Pepsi and follow it up with plenty of water.  I have learned, after one encounter, that Diet Mountain Dew needs to be respected for the powerful upper that it is.